wow...

you know you're getting old when...one of your own friends is getting married. but congrats!

i came back from south america a few days ago. it was awesome. moving in in a few days. that's awesome too. my schedule is so fucked up. last year! then who knows afterwards..

  posted by james @ 8/30/2005 11:30:00 AM

 
graduation is such a bittersweet time.

i came back to philadelphia with hubert a couple days ago to see the commencement processions and to say my good-byes to the seniors. it's the first commencement i've attended. it all seemed so lavish, and i've never seen franklin field as filled as it was yesterday - that is to say half-full.

zeyen left later that afternoon. i'm not great with goodbyes and i usually like to think less of them than what they are. so i shrugged it off, offered my best wishes and bode him farewell. the permanence of his and others' absence didn't hit me until later the next night when at 5am i left gizelle's place and walked through the vacant rooms of hrn. abandoned posessions thrown around the hallways and seeing the apartment bare of its contents brought back feelings i haven't felt since three years ago when i left mhs. i think of graduation now, and i'm so happy and so sad.

when i was talking with gizelle yesterday morning, i asked her if there was ever anything between her and me. after a long silence, we both agreed that there was, but we also agreed that the time never seemed to be right. looking back, this is definitely be one of those could-have-been's, but i guess it's just one of those things...

thwarted by fate again i suppose, but i guess it always seems to be the case. i kissed her head, hugged her, and left.

  posted by james @ 5/17/2005 11:40:00 PM

 
"god shes so ugly i want to hit her with a stick" -james lin

  posted by bert @ 5/16/2005 02:49:00 AM

 
checklist:

summer itinerary
Spanish language materials
equipment:
rucksack (EMS Summit TL)
PUR water purifier
pants
gloves (?)
iodine
more that i'm forgetting...
immunizations
fall schedule

gosh, i'm horrible at writing things. i really should write more and allow myself the practice. writing in list-form is a cheap cop-out...

So i've been up in New York City these past couple of days. I met up with Margaret and Hubert and finally got to formally meet his buddies Q and Eddie. They seem like good guys. New York City is so much better than Philadelphia. In Philadelphia, everything closes at 2 am - the bars, the clubs, most food places, etc. NYC is on all night long. There's even this food cart that serves "chicken and rice", and there were people lining up by the tens to come eat at this CART and 12:15 AM. That's so ridiculous! It was like a Pat's and Geno's but serving chicken and rice and in cart form! I love it. Why can't Philadelphia be more like NYC? Although, I do like going to school in Philadelphia because it's not too city. Campus is almost like a park, and I think I would miss seeing green over extended periods of time.

In preparation for this summer, I've been trying to pick up some Spanish. I've tried desperately to roll my rrrrrr's but I haven't been able to achieve the same effect. It sounds something like trying to hawk up phlegm. Pumped for the summer!

"Yea, like, you know? ...but I don't know..."

  posted by james @ 5/13/2005 03:12:00 PM

 
"Seven fucking classes! Are you fucking crazy??" - Professor Ventura, Intermediate Macroeconomics

fuck you all. i'm giving it all i've got till the bitter end...

  posted by james @ 4/07/2005 12:18:00 AM

 
"hey angie, it's the new year! what are your new year's resolutions going to be?"
"oh...i don't know..."
"well how about i make one for you? how about this year, you should learn how to ride a bike??"

- pause -

"...my bike got run over by a car."
"...oh...that's too bad..."

- pause -

"...well, who ran over you bike?"
"...my mom."

hahahahah

  posted by james @ 1/01/2005 08:47:00 PM

 
tremendous death and tremendous sadness, two funerals, my first eulogy, a near-fatal car accident, million-dollar litigation, unemployment - even at 57, long-distance reemployment, 4.0? (certainly not, but I hope it's close), no new penn blood in the family. I still can't finish off a 40, still haven't found myself or my calling, still haven't touched the green, still can't get into bars, still haven't found her (should I even be looking), and I still haven't established a regular exercise schedule. But, I met some beautiful people, lost a beautiful person, flirted with romance(s), had my worst dating experience to date (if you could call it a date), declared my majors, really got into snowboarding, found a sense of home in philadelphia, found a greater sense of self and a greater understanding of the extensive and expansive nature of love.

what a year, guys.

To my dearest family and friends, I wish you much health, wealth, and happiness in this new year.

  posted by james @ 1/01/2005 03:53:00 AM

 
holiday plans:

12.27 - 12.30 - ECAASU, snowboarding?
12.31 - 1.1 - New Year's dinner
1.4 - 1.7? - VA, WV
1.10 - Back to school!

you know what rox about having a laptop? being able to surf lounging on the couch downstairs in front of the tv while listening to pink.

happy holidays everyone!

  posted by james @ 12/26/2004 09:47:00 PM

 
i'm done, folks. we'll see how i did in a couple of weeks.

so let's see if i've accomplished what i had set out for the beginning of this semester:

1. cashed in on restaurant week once.
2. did not do dinner downtown every thursday night
3. aced the chem final
4. 4.0?
5. got out of that shithole job, but didn't save face

  posted by james @ 12/23/2004 06:13:00 AM

 
and this is really only here to serve my own purposes:

stick:
12.13 - HSOC paper due - 5pm
12.13 - SOCI paper due - 5pm
12.13 - ANTH paper due - 5pm
12.17 - ECON final - 8:30pm
12.17 - HSOC final due - 5pm
12.21 - ANTH final - 8:30am
12.21 - ORGO final - 11am arrghhh
12.22 - SOCI final 8:30am

carrot:
12.10 - Jennie's Chrismukkah - 10:30pm
12.11 - ECAASU banquet - 7:30pm
12.12 - Kusum's dinner - 7:30pm which was AWESOME, by the way.
12.12 - Tina's Barcode Ball - 8:00pm
12.13 - APSC newbie/oldie potluck - 8:30pm
12.18 - Nancy's going-away get-together - 8:00pm
12.22 - FREEDOM. - 10:30am
12.22 - Center City - 3:00pm
12.22 - Dinner w/ Mike and Nancy - 8:00pm

annoyances:
- access science
- pre-med file
- CHOP volunteer
- spring registration
- moody girls
- insomnia
- this slow ass computer
- life
- housing

winter break:
- snowboarding with al and tommy
- snowboarding with mike and brian?
- snowboarding with the homeboys
- ECAASU finalizations
- trip down to D.C. area?


  posted by james @ 12/21/2004 04:58:00 PM

 
don't let it fool you brother
beware of what you see
you've been consumed by all your
visions of luxury
betrayed your friends and brothers,
bruises that carried you
but when you need them later
they won't be there for you
you're so high now you think you'll never fall
when you come down who will you call?
whatcha gonna do when you're money's gone
your friends are gone, you're all alone
and now you're barely hanging on
nowhere else to run to
cuz you should know
it won't make you whole
you've gained the world but you lose the soul
spend your life in the search of dough
you find out it just won't save you
you think that having money
brings joy and peace to you
but the pursuit of it might
bring out the beast in you
chase the american dream,
but can't face reality
that what you're chasing only
lasts temporarily
you're so high now you think you'll never fall
when you come down who will you call?
whatcha gonna do when you're money's gone
your friends are gone, you're all alone
and now you're barely hanging on
nowhere else to run to
cuz you should know
it won't make you whole
you've gained the world but you lose the soul
spend your life in the search of dough
you find out it just won't save you


  posted by james @ 12/18/2004 06:51:00 PM

 

i'm finally able to post pictures!

  posted by james @ 12/13/2004 04:29:00 PM

 
let me tell you something. i give my trust only to a select few of you out there. for the rest of you, i can forget you like that. don't play mind games with me, i won't even try. if you piss me off, there isn't a middle ground. you're out of my life, and i don't ever want to see you again.

god i'm so pissed.


  posted by james @ 12/09/2004 05:28:00 AM

 
FUCK ORGO! FUCK ORGO! FUUUUUUUUUUUUCKKKK ORGO!!!!!! ARRRGHHH!HHHHH!H!H!H!H!HI:JSDFOIgk;asn
r;ashner;/via;oiejwf ;aoimnewf; oiawje;fiokjaosd;ig'
iowjg;asijdf;awkemfl,xmd.fikagwpoihef'klamw'klemjflkhj;o
dxoifijhv'a/hw'eoigfhq'kmnf;awkegfa'ksdnm,.vcmnj.,xkcholgiuahwpoiejh'a'wkojef
APijo
fpsd;kinwa;ief;aslkjdhg'ioapjf'pwoije
foawje
Gikadsoifvkh;ujw;arirjn;oekna;wlkngo;iawrhg;hao;uuhdn;oiajs;odijf;iajs;dokgnaw;klef

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCKKKK!!!!!!!!!


  posted by james @ 12/08/2004 02:20:00 AM

 
haha i'm always writing in this thing in the odd hours of the morning when i can never sleep...

well i think this is as good a time as any to do a bit of writing again. these past few weeks have been so relaxing. nothing due, nothing scheduled. it's the calm between hectic periods of tests and papers. as i'm writing this, i'm laughing to myself because this sounds so alien to me. this doesn't sound like my life at all. i'm usually ranting about an unacceptable workload or an incredible amount of stress or at least something along those lines. but it's great to have this freedom, as transient as it is.

it's not often during the semester when i can let go completely of any thoughts about work or of the impending wave of such. there are few times when i can take a break for a weekend to roam the city and explore this new home of mine. fewer yet are the times when i can do this with those i hold dear to my heart. fortunately, i was allowed that this weekend. there were times on the walk down to the museum and to the boathouses, and on the loooong way back to campus, that i forgot my agenda here was school. all that i was in my mind were thoughts of what i was doing and who i was with. days like these are exactly those that everyone should have every now and so often.

also, there is thanksgiving break to look forward to. most years, we spend it together by ourselves. this year i'm told we're going over to the hsu's. it should be fun, as i haven't seen j-money in ages.

well, i think that's all for me now. until the next time.


  posted by james @ 11/22/2004 02:44:00 AM

 
and it did! thank you!


  posted by james @ 11/11/2004 07:55:00 PM

 
i'm gonna cross my fingers and hope something nice shows up on my transcript in the next few days


  posted by james @ 11/11/2004 01:05:00 AM

 
i'm gonna show you all kids what i'm made of.


  posted by james @ 11/09/2004 09:34:00 PM

 
i feel like it's about time again to subscribe to this e-therapy of mine so here goes.

well, i'm sitting here at my desk right now polishing off what was once a cup of cabernet sauvignon. i'm correct in describing it as a cup, rather than a glass. i have no wine glasses, and after scouring the aisles of the local grocery store tonight without avail (my source of fine housewares and other household solutions), i found no other option than to resort to this cheap plastic cup i stole from my roommate who in turn stole it from new student orientation during the beginning of the semester. by now, i'm feeling a little warm, and i imagine, as i haven't yet looked in a mirror, that there's a slight hint of blush on my face.

right now, i'm having difficulty in writing something here, not because i have nothing to say, but rather because i have too many. too many thoughts bombard each other in my head, and each interferes with the others. i can't think of one thing for too long without having it remind me of another thing. and by then, i've stopped thinking of the former. i write this now, as petty as it seems, because it's actually a good way of describing my general thought process. i find it hard, sometimes, to fully concentrate on the task at hand. i find this painfully true at odd hours of the morning while i sit hunched over a book, desperately trying to retain as much information as i can force into my head for a midterm the next morning. i find this painfully true also when i sit in on a most lectures. my mind wanders and escapes to places i would rather it not go. it may be that it's overactive, or i'm overactive, or i just have problems focusing on matters for which i need to expend energy in concentration. i'm not entirely sure, but i imagine that this could be one of those things that annoy you to no end in your youth, but desperately wished you had still in your older years. kind of like hair in the morning, when you're fed up with the daily routine of taming it down. but as you grow older, you bald and wish that once again, you had the virility of your youth and along with it, your hair, even if it meant bed head. well in this case, it annoys me to no end that i can never concentrate on one thing entirely. but as we all know, as we grow older, we grow slower, and it could very well be that when i'm 50, i won't have many thoughts in my head anymore.

this brings me to another subject. my future. what will it be? who will i be? what will i be? where will i be? with whom will i be? there's so much uncertainty in my life right now. to speak honestly, i'm scared that it may not be okay. i see those in my life right now who are in their older years, and the story of their lives have already been told. they've already had decades behind them, and that that was are now memories. some who i know have become incredibly successful, but others not so much. in which group will i fall? i ask this because as i'm sure we all know by now, oftentimes for that we hope for don't always become that we have. i have plans to go on to study abroad in places i've never been. i have plans after that to go on to medical school, to get my m.d., to start my own practice, to meet a beautiful woman, to raise beautiful children, and to live together in a snowy mountain town by the lake. now how much of this will materialize? there's a lot of hard working people here, and even they at times must struggle for those things in life they want. many would argue that this uncertainty is really the answer to what makes life so great. i agree with them entirely, but i can't help but to yearn for something solid and tangible, something that i can grab onto.

my mind wanders again as i'm thinking about this. so many things i wish i could talk about and just pour out, but each will have its time. until then, goodnight everybody. i wish everyone much health, wealth, and happiness.


  posted by james @ 11/07/2004 02:40:00 AM

 
my friend measures his self-worth by the compliments he gets. it's a sad thing when you need to wear those words with you to hide the insecurities that lie beneath.

in other news, i don't understand how an election this close leads to a republican majority in the house, the senate, the court, and governors, and not to mention dubya in the oval office. i just don't get it.


  posted by james @ 11/03/2004 02:57:00 AM

 
man, that was a rough orgo test. glad that's done and over with. man i felt so bad when i saw that girl in tears at the end of the test. she was seriously breaking down in front of the prof. when i saw that, i could just remember times freshman year when i just stared at the test and walked away. haha. i didn't even try to pretend. oh man.... my heart goes out to her... that was a pretty rough last question.

well there was a whole foodfest thing afterwards and i dropped by with a couple cronies. "we can bond with our model kits..." hahahaa that shive...

well anyway, now i can brush my hands clean of this whole organic chemistry mess for a couple days, kick my feet up, and relax. give this good old brain of mine a rest. yupyup.

ooh except for that whole paper thing due on friday. yargh.


  posted by james @ 11/02/2004 09:39:00 PM

 
but dear boy, once too soon, you'll come to know that your youthful charms deceived you. your eyes no longer shine, and your smiles are no longer bright. what you knew was all that's left you, and what you own is that unknown. well, what will it be, dear boy: the memory of what's escaped you? the spirit of a dying song? or is it to the songs on love and zest in life, known in youth but sung in old?


  posted by james @ 10/29/2004 06:53:00 PM

 
this one guy i know, raymond. what a fucking tool.


  posted by james @ 10/26/2004 02:13:00 AM

 
i thought i was a man of few desires, but i am wrong. i would like to have:

a predominantly j.crew wardrobe
an internal frame backpack
snowboarding equipment
a road bike
a logitech z680 5.1 surround sound speaker system. those things are badass.

i guess that's it, really.


  posted by james @ 10/25/2004 08:19:00 PM

 
everything comes and everything goes. i wish i could say something more profound or feel something more profound. but i cant help but think thats all there is to it.


  posted by bert @ 10/20/2004 11:57:00 PM